gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
