it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I want to fling myself into the sun
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
