Who did Billy Mays play for?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
