i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
