dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize