don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
whose parrot is this?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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