i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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