Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
