nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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