so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
