The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
