when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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