tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
