carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
