Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
