You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
