Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
