I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
