We need to rekindle our bromance
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
