This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
