There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize