My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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