your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
