at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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