i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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