Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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