Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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