some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize