I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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