if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
