Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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