My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize