I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
