Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize