Kiss
Puke
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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