I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
