if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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