Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
