It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
