that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
