Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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