I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize