some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
