1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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