Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
