Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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