found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
