I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
sex in a hospital.. check
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
