cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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