Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
