if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize