Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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