the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My bed smells like the plague
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
