im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
