Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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