somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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