I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
