all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
