I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
