She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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