how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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