sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize