Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
