So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
