the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
